i have tried a lot of different things, since i wrote this post and now i have a working unit
I flashed the rev pi with bullseye, which resulted in no IP-connection, so i flashed it again with bookworm.
this resulted in it , as with bullseye, it did not get an IP, so i did this:
Step 1: Access the RevPi storage via rpiboot
Power off the RevPi Connect SE by disconnecting its power supply.
Connect your Windows PC to the micro-USB service port on the RevPi.
Launch the rpiboot.exe tool on your Windows PC.
Reconnect the power supply to the RevPi. Its eMMC storage will appear as a removable drive in Windows File Explorer.
Step 2: Edit cmdline.txt to add a static IP
Navigate to the boot partition of the newly mounted drive and open the firmware folder.
Right-click cmdline.txt and select Edit with Notepad++.
Add the ip parameter to the end of the single line in the file. The format is ip=<client-ip>:<server-ip>:<gw-ip>:<netmask>:<hostname>:<device>:<autoconf>.
For example, to set a static IP of 192.168.1.200 on the eth0 interface with a gateway of 192.168.1.1 and a subnet mask of 255.255.255.0, the entry would look like this:
ip=192.168.1.200::192.168.1.1:255.255.255.0:revpi:eth0:off
and connectet (ssh) again to the new IP.
Then the rev pi prompted for serial number (found on the front of the device) and the physical adress (MAC, also found on the front)
After this everything is working and i can now (after struggling with this for way to many workdays) continue and hjopefully get a result before my deadline